We all want respect

A subtle view on why respect is a paramount part of life.

One of the major things I told myself while on the path of restructuring, and building myself was the fact that people feel respected around me, the truth that I never intentionally get to disrespect people who have let me into their lives. I know that for some very vain and silly reason, this happens most times, its like an unconscious act, it is just something that we are not even aware of and this is why it sucks!

Growing up, you would agree that we were thought about respect from our parents, siblings, uncles, grandma’s or grandpa’s, neighbors (the community often feels a certain sense of responsibility in training children in African homes), it was something we were scolded for whenever we fell short of it, it evidently became a natural order.

Respect shows that you value others and also adds a significant amount of value to your personality, so if for instance you have a friend who is rude, ill-mannered and impertinent, people may often think that you are also rude, ill-mannered and impertinent. No one likes a disrespectful person, they are the ones who people are scared of having conversations with because everything to them cannot be dealt civilly.

Someone once asked me a very insensitive question about my hairdo once, while I tried to be very polite, because I did not see the reason to let someone make me act crazy, I however told this person of how discourteous and inappropriate the remark was, I went on to strictly demand that it never be repeated. I knew this person was very disrespectful and unruly, a part of me wanted to lash out and lay my anger on it all, but my innerman was controlled from the fact that “everyone shouldn’t be crazy at once’.

Respecting others is a sign that you take seriously the choices and beliefs of others, having due regard for their personality, taking into consideration their feelings and refraining from doing things or saying things that hurt them dearly. People wont feel safe around you if you go around disrespecting others or if you do not know how to control your speech.

If I tell a person something in confidence, with no third party involved, it is often expected that I do not want to hear it from any Dick, Tom or Harry. Keeping an information disclosed is one of the ways to show that you respect your friends and family or colleagues and people, generally. It is one of the ways that a person can easily loose their respect for you, I mean, respect is reciprocal they say.

People want to feel safe around you, they want to know that they can trust you and that you are a person who they can rely on to respect their emotions, wishes and rights, even if you find it stupid, unreasonable and not cool. I am a Christian by religion, but I respect Muslims and have people around me who engage in that religion and it has never for one day occurred to me, to diminish my respect for them for that reason.

Respecting people comes with learning your place in their lives and living according to it, not interfering or overstepping boundaries, giving them the space they need whenever they need it and respecting their decisions. Like it or not, your friends probably do not want you to ask them certain personal questions, maybe about their family or life, they may see it as embarrassing and it may draw them further away from you. My advice to people who constantly want to check up on their friends or colleagues and family while respecting them is to always start with the tone of love and just pure concern and not curiosity.

‘Hey Julie, checking up on you to know how you have been, kinda feel like we haven’t talked lately, I got a new job offer and I am thinking of taking it, started a gym routine, how about you, looking forward to catching up with you’

Trust me, whoever you sent this to will feel loved and cared for, special and glad not apprehensive like when you start off like ‘hey Julie, thought you were supposed to get a job from that product managing gig, don’t you think its time to try other things? I mean, I just got a two jobs last weeks, practically choosing at my freewill, would really like to see you get yours, lets catch up soon, cant wait’

Let me tell you what is wrong with this previous statement to Julie, it is too demanding of Julie, to curious as to know, too judgmental of her capacity, too boastful of your capacity or luck. A normal thing that happens when you send out such a message is that the person mostly reads line one and two over and over again without falling on to the part where you actually sounded like you cared.

People ask so many rude and disrespectful questions all the time, so many people are not sensitive of others, they do not put into thoughts the emotions of the people they come across daily, they feel they can talk to the waiter carelessly, to the janitor, the gate man or door man, they feel that the local market tomato seller is just what she is ‘a tomato seller’, they are rude to anyone who is of service to them.

I once went to a shop near my home to get some snacks, a woman sat in the comfort of her car, pressing her phone and giggling, but shouting at the sales boy to hurry with her purchase, she kept on shouting at intervals, berating on how she did not have time to waste, it was a very nasty view.

Mohammed Ali once said; I don’t trust anyone who is nice to be but rude to the waiter. Because they would treat me the same way if I were in their position.

Respecting people is a rare art, you see people been denied their rights because they are not wealthy, you see daily how a very unassuming sense of respect is given to the rich and not the poor.

It is a choice and a decision, its is a shaper of the personality and attitude of an individual, respect makes you likeable, places your name on the lips of people positively, there is no wealth gathered in being unruly and ill-mannered to the people you meet daily, be in it your office or society. I once told someone that it was disrespectful to phone me via video call without my permission and he laughed. I felt disrespected because after fruitless efforts of trying to explain why it was rude to do that, he did it again, so I resolved that for the sake of my sanity and peace, I would not take any further calls from him in any regard.

We can guide ourselves from being disrespected, we can choose that we hate to be disrespected, we can say no to disrespect, we can tell those who do it to us to stop and refrain from it, we can say we do not like it, its okay to say that you felt insulted, its alright to tell your colleague to stop placing his or her hand on your shoulder or hip, its pretty much fine to ask your boss to stop calling you baby or sweetie or whatever name that implies what you are not, to him. I once told a man that already gave me a job to please refrain from calling me ‘my baby’, I noticed that whenever he chatted me up on WhatsApp, he always started with the phrase ‘my baby’ I started feeling uncomfortable and politely told him to please stop, he fired me.

The positive result that comes from telling people about how they are disrespecting you before it gets out of proportion is in the fact that you save yourself from future multiple disrespects.

I will end with these words; Respect is imbibed by those who are crowned with wisdom and intelligence, those who know what humanity entails, those who are more drawn to making people comfortable than saying or doing whatever they want. In the end, respect is a blessing to our generation.

PS: I would be grateful if you hit the like button, comment and share this post on your various social platforms, the world truly deserves a place filled with more respectful people.

With Love,

Amanda Sibi.