DON’T RUIN IT WITH HIGH EXPECTATIONS

“Sometimes we ruin beautiful friendships and relationships because of our expectations of others, because we feel that certainly they ought to do something or know something or act in a particular way. We level a crowd of things on people and expect through our ravishing expectations that they should do, act or behave accordingly”

Naturally as human beings, it is normal to have expectations from people, our family, friends and relationships because of our emotional and psychological needs as humans, so it’s totally okay to expect a certain level of behavior and attitude and action from certain persons, because then you would only be exercising a human trait. However, when it turns to high expectations is when you do not emotionally control it.

Dear friend, today I am writing to you about a single act that has ruined relationships and friendships, maybe you have a couple of resentments towards this, being that you may have expected much from someone before that ruined the relationship or have been on the other side where much was expected highly from you. Whatever the case may have been, let’s talk.

I was once part of a discussion about expectations generally and how very vain and naïve most people are about it, someone in my group took it so seriously, he explained how his relationship with a friend ended because she expected him to be there for her at a certain time, when in actual reality he was going through the worst stage of his life, a stage that almost led him to total bankruptcy in his business. But here was this friend, seeing pictures of a business that seemed to be going very well and misunderstanding it to be wealth, so the result of high expectations.

Expectations surpasses the point of money, although it is one of the strongest reasons for broken relationships and friendships, people naturally just expect that because you got a new job, then you should be their personal ATM and that they really do not need to find a job anymore, they believe that because you are their friend, it means that they can call you and expect that they can feed and live off you. Sometimes people are not as buoyant as their dressing exhibits, they are not as comfortable as they let on, they are not so rich or wealthy but because of the formula of packaging, misinterpretation occurs and when high expectations set in and don’t come out handy, the relationship begins to sink.

Some Friends expect much more, they have multiple high expectations of loyalty, concern, care and even of knowledge. Some friends expect that they should know everything happening in your life, they want to be aware when any new significant or insignificant thing happens even when it crosses boundaries or bothers a certain inch of your privacy. They sometimes do not know that they are expecting too much from you, its just part of them. Sometimes we expect so much from our friends, we expect that they tell us everything, even things that should not be said, so we go on making side comments about how they have changed and how they are now so full of themselves. No, they are not, they just want their lives to not revolve around telling.

Friendships have been ruined for smaller things caused by high expectations, expecting that your friend must introduce their man to you or that you should have his number or that your friend should tell you exactly when he intends on getting married and not before he even speaks to his woman or that you should know when he wants to start a new business, before they change their apartment, before they change a new phone, before they travel somewhere and other rusty leveled expectations that can affect the way you see the people you truly care about.

It will be unfair not to state the clarity of this message properly, I am not saying that we shouldn’t as humans expect that our friends tell us when a big thing comes up, or share their wins with us and even when they fail in some areas, I am not saying that it is good to wake up and hear certain new developments about your friend from other people or that you should not think of being invited to your friend’s wedding or rather expect to be invited. No, what I am saying is that do not expect that you would know how much he got his shoe or tie or how much he spent or how much her wedding gown cost or expect that you should be aware of certain secrecies in their home. If they decide to reveal these things to you, then great. However, you making it an issue because you expected to be pre-informed is really immature.

Do not expect so much from people that they must be the one to check up on you, have you ever thought about the fact that they might be sick or going through their fair share of gbas gbos (problems) from life? People have serious problems, very serious problems, they may be online but their spirit may be broken.

I have seen relationships crumble like a stack of cards not properly arranged just because one party has not communicated their needs or wants but expect that the other person should be so thoughtful to know what they want. Then I ask the question, why do we feel or expect that everyone around us should act in a certain way, why do we expect that someone should not say something or should know better or should have common sense in all situations? When we expect too much from people in this regard, we also disallow the room for people to make mistakes; a common part of the human life.

Sometimes our high expectations from people blindfold us from seeing what they actually mean to us, it stops us from looking beyond the picture of what they represent in our lives. It also allows ingratitude and misappreciation, we totally forget how they have been there for us but only base our grievances on what we expected from them that they couldn’t do.

I wouldn’t say that I have not been really expectant in my life, especially towards certain persons but all I got was my own reasonable number of disappointments, I am way over it and that’s because human beings are not perfect and can betray your trust or hurt you or do something that you never even imagined. There was a time I had a certain level of expectation from a particular person and it broke my heart to find out that this person was indeed doing something different, saying something different and even maligning my name and existence. But I moved on, because all I had was high expectations that drove me to the battle of “over trusting and wanting too much”

I know it is hard to not expect from people, more importantly those around us, the ones we care about and love, but it is good for truth to realize that we can do nothing with high and mighty expectations, for all they do is to bring us disappointment’s that hurt us deeply and the ones we expect from.

I once told myself that I would never expect so much from anyone to the extent that I lose myself thinking that everything revolves around them, I once told myself that I would see people for what they are; imperfect people and human beings who do not know it all, because even the wisest man who ever lived sought wisdom from God. I told myself that I would expect from people that they should be as much humanely as they can be but wouldn’t expect that they should treat me so well or like me or love me or defend me or even fight for me. I do not expect that because not everyone is bound to like me and its totally fine.

So dear friend, just incase you have terminated a good friendship because of your high expectations that ended in disappointment, maybe you even have been the one whom much was expected of and you feel a little annoyed by it and have decided to forfeit the relationship, I need you to understand two things; the first being that you really should not let go of your relationships with people because they have failed in doing what you naturally expect that they should do without being told or that they should do because you know them, are close to them or share a bond with them. Lastly, even when you are the one of whom many things are being expected of, and you feel pissed about it, please understand that you are also showing another level of expectation by expecting that the other person shouldn’t expect much from you. Like the Mary go round, just like it.

Finally, this is not an excuse to treat the people around you badly, it is not a get away card to shy away from giving or blessing others, you are not exempt from showing your friends and families true love and respect and kindness. So, I hope we do not misunderstand the context of this message.

“High Expectations have ruined many friendships and relationships; yes!  But not as much as it has ruined the people whom placed these mighty and great expectations on others”

Dear friend, I truly hope you enjoyed today’s newsletter and learnt something from it, kindly hit the like button, comment and share this newsletter. I have attached the podcast version beneath; you will find it quite lovely. Keep the energy going.

Till Next Time,
Warm Regards

Amanda Sibi .