Did I Forgive?

Sep 24, 2022

You see, I used to be the type of person to get pissed, get angry and stay angry. I was the person who remembered every single pain, hurt and betrayal, I would dwell on it, feed off it and act towards it. I didn’t know how to stop until one day.

Dear friend, its such a lovely day here, the weather is pretty cold and the atmosphere is all but blooming, but I hope you are having a soft and beautiful weekend.

Today, I have decided to share certain things with you because you are dear to me and I wouldn’t be happy if you carry the burden of unforgiveness like a cloak around your shoulders.

I have suffered betrayals in life, just like you probably, these things don’t just end, people would surely hurt you one way or the other, it’s something you will need to learn to get used to because people will do and say things to you or act in ways that will leave you with hate in your heart.

I remember that I was filled with anger for a certain person, this anger became very severe and I could literally feel the tension whenever I came close to this person. It caused me a lot of emotional distress, I was cold, bitter and resentful and it got me to thinking awful wrong things about what I could use to get back and pay back. Looking at this today, I can only smile or laugh because it was such a non-profitable experience, that’s why I am not a fan of keeping grudges or making ill statements about people online so that they can know you are talking about them. Its quite immature and lacking of intelligence.

Unforgiveness is like a burden, like a heavy mixture of stone and cement that has been molded to not be a movable but stagnant object, it is not something that you can carry at all or lift, it just sits there and weighs you down, the level of unproductiveness and total mess it creates is crazy.

Sometimes I wonder why life is this way, why you are expected to forgive those who wrong you and let go, why you have to stop the negative and bitter reasoning even when you know that this person is a thorn in your flesh, has betrayed you in the most bizarre way and is just unrepentant towards their bad actions.

I once heard that unforgiveness is like swallowing poison and expecting the other person to die. Reasonably speaking I must say that it is the exact truth not refined, because when someone hurts you and you feel bitter, the bitterness and resentment stays with you and not with the offender, the anger and anxiety is only suffered by you and no one else, the other person will be busy living their every day life while you carry that heavy load of cement and hard stone, the other person will see you and not flinch but your heart will skip in panic because you have just witnessed the person you refused to forgive.

I know it’s very difficult, I cannot tell you about forgiveness, like it’s some simple thing to do, no it’s not, but it is a decision to make if you love yourself more than the person who hurt you, if you value yourself and peace, you should never give anyone the right to make to you feel bitter, resentful or anxious.

Back to my story, I was angry and always bitter towards this person, then one day I attended a rare fellowship, now this was my school fellowship which I functioned in a particularly active way, so it wasn’t like I didn’t already hear messages of forgiveness, but that day was more special because of its peculiarity, the preacher told a story I had never heard before, he spoke about how unforgiveness could lead to death, how carrying the burden and guilt of malice led someone to his doom, I wondered why someone would allow the burden of unforgiveness to lead him to his own catastrophe, I remember dropping a tear, and I came out with other people, knelt on the Altar floor and surrendered my flaws to him, that day I forgave that person and vowed never to carry such a big burden ever again, sincerely I never felt more lighter in my life, I was like a feather and I couldn’t but thank God that this man, named Femi talked about forgiveness in a way I had never heard it before.

Let me tell you some of the things he said that struck me the most and moved me to decide that it wasn’t worth it after all;

· He explained that we were bigger than our offenders when we chose to forgive them

· He explained that we suffered more when we chose to carry the heavy stone of grudges and malice

· He explained that life went on for the other person while we stayed bitter and grew old because of the hardened heart we had developed towards the other person

· He explained that it wasn’t the nature of God and we had been asked to be like Christ and forgive those who wrong us just as Christ forgives us

Here is what I deducted;

I understood from that day, that God forgave me countless times for stupid and foolish things that I did every now and then, maybe every minute of the day, I tried to wonder how God did it, how he could overlook my wrongful acts and still bless me, then I fathomed that I would automatically be wielding off the blessings of God upon my life if I decided to hold the grudges of everyone who wronged me.

I imagined carrying thousands of stone and cement mixtures on my back, aging and looking worn out because of someone else’s mistakes which I was not responsible for and couldn’t control, it was such an emotional distress that I couldn’t keep bearing, so I took hold of myself, laid my flaws on the feet of God and gave up every bitterness that led me to carry this big burden of unforgiveness.

But, let me tell you something else about forgiveness that you should know, this is that forgiveness doesn’t mean the lack of wisdom, you know that wisdom is profitable to direct but direction also comes at a will to allow wisdom to take its full course, I hope I don’t confuse you.

WHAT DO I MEAN?

I simply am trying to say that you can forgive someone from your heart, forget the nuisance they caused you and wish them good fortune and even pray for them but you really do not need to relate or fraternize with this person if they are toxic and if you are no longer comfortable with them around you.

The truth is that you can’t be friends with everyone, but you can wish everyone good.

That is what forgiveness does, it makes you forget the hurt and pain that most people caused you and choose to live a better life moving forward, even if it doesn’t include them in the picture.

I want you to take time to think about some people who you have chosen to never speak to again, if what they did is something that can lead to a more fruitful relationship, then it is definitely your decision to make, however, if letting them in can lead to more betrayals then forgive them, forget the hurt because it sits in the past, move on and always wish them the best. All these you can surely do without hanging out with them and doing the regular chit chats that used to occur.

I remember that after I forgave this person who wronged me, I became happy whenever I learnt of the success and growth that they had achieved, I was truly happy and always saying “funny thing is the hustling spirit has always been there, really happy this turned out well” This was me being truthfully happy and not pretending to be, I am still in the place where I constantly don’t hate and get bitter over past hurts, because I want to experience peace that passes all understanding and live my life witnessing and living in the promises of God for me.

I am a better person today because I chose to choose myself before others who have done wrong to me in one way or the other, I am better today because even when I experience fresh betrayals from people I never expected it from, even when people who I did good to decided to pay back with bad and hate, I have chosen to live my life not centered on the hate plastered in the hearts on men, I have chosen that I am more important than the bitterness of any betrayal or hurt.

Dear friend, I hope that my own story inspires you today, because many people tell the tale of unforgiveness without practical reasons and personal stories. I truly hope that you list the names of the people making you carry this heavy burden and forgive them and speak in out loud, then take that heavy stone mixed with cement and drop them one after another, till you experience how light it is to hold no grudge.

“Unforgiveness is being confined to a prison serving a life sentence for the crime committed by someone else”.

I have attached a chart below, just to help you understand how deep it goes. Kindly like, share, tell me in the comment section if this newsletter touched you and keep the energy going.